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The Magicians – Season 1 & 2 Episode Recaps

If you haven’t caught the Magicians on SyFy then you really should. One of our top shows here at Snuuz, and no it’s not Harry Potter for adults, it’s so much more, and if you’ve caught any of the sex and swearing, then you’ll know it’s certainly no Harry Potter 😉

Read our full recaps below, courtesy of Syfy.

Season 1

  1. 16 Dec 15 – Unauthorized Magic
  2. 25 Jan 16 – The Source of Magic
  3. 01 Feb 16 – Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting
  4. 08 Feb 16 – The World in the Walls
  5. 15 Feb 16 – Mendings, Major and Minor
  6. 22 Feb 16 – Impractical Applications
  7. 29 Feb 16 – The Mayakovsky Circumstances
  8. 07 Mar 16 – The Strangled Heart
  9. 14 Mar 16 – The Writing Room
  10. 21 Mar 16 – Homecoming
  11. 28 Mar 16 – Remedial Battle Magic
  12. 04 Apr 16 – Thirty-Nine Graves
  13. 11 Apr 16 – Have You Brought Me Little Cakes

Season 2

  1. 25 Jan 17 – Knight of Crowns
  2. 01 Feb 17 – Hotel Spa Potions
  3. 08 Feb 17 – Divine Elimination
  4. 15 Feb 17 – The Flying Forest
  5. 22 Feb 17 – Cheat Day
  6. 01 Mar 17 – The Cock Barrens
  7. 08 Mar 17 – Plan B
  8. 15 Mar 17 – Word As Bond
  9. 22 Mar 17 – Lesser Evils
  10. 29 Mar 17 – The Girl Who Told Time
  11. 05 Apr 17 – The Rattening
  12. 12 Apr 17 – Ramifications
  13. 19 Apr 17 – We Have Brought You Little Cakes

Season 1

6 Dec 15 Unauthorized Magic

The dean of Brakebills University and this mysterious woman have a quick chat on a bench. There are big doings afoot. Magic ones. And these two seem to know how to help. It seems to involve a boy they have their eye on, and that is probably Quentin Coldwater. Quentin is a sad bear, who is on his way to Grad School at Yale, and has also just been released from a psychiatric hospital because he was terribly depressed about the direction his life would take.

Quentin is obsessed with a book series that takes place in a magical land called Fillory, and features some adventurous British siblings named the Chatwins: Rupert, who was wounded in the war; Jane, the family skeptic, and Martin; the adventurer. There are 5 of these books. Quentin has read them all. A lot.

Quentin’s best friend is Julia, who is also going to grad school, and is worried about Quentin. Also, it’s possible Quentin has a giant crush on her. When the two of them swing by a fancy house for a grad school interview, the place has a clock that looks just like the one from Fillory! No time to marvel at that, though, because the person they were going to meet is dead. The paramedic who comes to take the body away is a gorgeous British lady who looks not unlike the woman from the bench who was talking to the dean. Before Quentin leaves, the paramedic hands him an envelope. And in it, is an unprinted 1952 Fillory book. The sixth in the series.

As they walk home separately, Quentin and Julia find themselves ending up on the lawn of a gorgeous college campus. Quentin meets Eliot, who tells him he is at Brakebills University and that he’s here to take a preliminary exam for entry into the graduate program. The test is about to begin and they have to hurry. It turns out; Julia doesn’t pass the written exam. And is sent home by one of the teachers. He gives her a magical alibi for her missing time and wipes her memory clean so she’ll forget the experience but she cuts her arm so that she’ll remember the incident.

Quentin HAS passed the test and is brought before a board of teachers, where in a fit of anger, he produces a magical house of cards. They let him into the school, and Dean Fogg tells him that the paramedic who gave him the novel is a “freelance scout” for the school. Magicians are real and this is just a place for them to learn. The Dean’s last condition of entry is that Quentin stop taking anti-depressants and he has to say yes right away. There’s no question – Quentin signs.

Quentin returns to his room to find his Fillory novel missing, and he also meets his roommate, a dude named Penny. Eliot introduces Quentin to Margo, and the three of them waltz off to tour the school. Here, Quentin learns that the entire third year class went away as a group of 20 and only 4 came back. And then, Margo mentions that Quentin should “Stay on the garden path.” Here’s the thing about that…

Throughout all of this, Quentin has been having dreams about Fillory. Or possibly he’s actually going TO Fillory; it’s hard to tell. In one of them, Quentin is facing one of the clocktrees as Jane Chatwin tells him that time is difficult magic and that he’ll die if he “stays on the garden path.” Later, through a door in the library, Quentin finds himself back in Fillory, speaking with Jane Chatwin again, who definitely wants him to leave Brakebills. She wants him to start learning how to fight with magic. When the dream is over, he finds a mark burned into his hand. Gang, what’s up with Fillory? And the garden path?

Meanwhile, you know who’s not doing great? Julia. She’s been searching for magic things on the Internet, and when James, Julia’s boyfriend, tells Quentin to come to her birthday party, she tells him she remembers Brakebills and wants in. Quentin, however, refuses to help her because he doesn’t want to get kicked out. Later, Julia has a tricky time in the bathroom when a magician turns up, sexually aggresses her and then says he was just trying to make sure she was really magic. Looks like she has found her way in to the world of mysticism… just not through the University.

After one of his trips to Fillory, Quentin’s hand is burned with a symbol that he’s previously seen in a book that belongs to Alice. Now, she’s basically a Hitchcock blond. You know, a blond who wears glasses but is gorgeous. She has been researching how to contact the “other side.” And it turns out; Quentin, Penny and his girlfriend Kady all end up in the same place, boiling together a potion – all trying to get to the bottom of something. Alice wants to see if she can contact her brother, who died at Brakebills several years earlier, Quentin wants to know what’s going on with the “Garden Path” and Penny and Kady just seem like they’re in it for kicks.

The spell doesn’t seem to work. That is, until the next day, when during a boring class on metals: time stops, everyone is frozen, and a creepy shuffling man turns up, his face obscured by giant moths. When Dean Fogg tries to intervene, the man (called The Beast) plucks out Dean Fogg’s eyes. Then, the beast leans down, looks at Quentin and says, “Quentin Coldwater, there you are.” So far, Quentin’s time at Brakebills is off to a tough start, team.

25 Jan 16 The Source of Magic

Overturned desks, a broken mirror, people nursing various wounds while one body gets wheeled away. That visit from The Beast was SERIOUS. Turns out Alice, Penny and Kady defeated The Beast with some battle magic. Now the school is trying to find who cast the spell that allowed The Beast in in the first place, so that they can punish them.

Meanwhile, Pete (the magician who found/aggressed her in the bathroom) has invited Julia to meet his group of hedge witches, which are basically magicians who are finding magic on their own, outside the Brakebills University system. While getting a tour, Julia finds herself stuck in a meat locker with another newbie, Marina. They are being forced to prove their magic skills by making it out. Obstacle 1: A dead guy who comes back to life that they are forced to kill again.

The gang decides to have some feelings as Quentin tells Eliot about the spell they used that conjured The Beast. Feels. Eliot then tells Quentin about how when first discovering he could do magic, he also was responsible for someone’s death. Feels. Meanwhile, Margo takes Alice to her room for some lady bonding. Feels. Alice reveals to Margo that she wasn’t invited to the entrance exam for Brakebills, but instead found the school on her own. Super feels.

Later, working on a hunch that The Beast is from Fillory, Quentin shows Alice a documentary on Christopher Plover (the Fillory and Further author). Turns out the Chatwins were real! And seem to go missing an awful lot. Alice and Quentin run off to hide the evidence of the spell they cast while Kady tries to convince Penny not to leave and to do something stupid with her: steal a crystal and a book from Eliot’s party lair cottage. In the end though, everyone gets busted. Professor Sunderland found the evidence and it’s time to answer some questions. When Penny rats Quentin out, Quentin confronts him with illegal battle magic and is blown backwards.

Back in New York, Julia and Marina re-kill the dead guy, take some of his body fat and discover a spell to keep warm. Julia has feelings about being a magician and ultimately proves herself to be a determined, bad-ass hedge witch to Pete, and as it turns out, to Marina, who turns out to be a level 50 hedge witch and all around HBIC. Also of note, Kady seems to be working for Marina, stealing stuff from the school for the hedge witches. SCANDAL.

Quentin is expelled, because Penny tattled on him, and sent to a specialist in order to erase his memories, BUT the specialist is revealed to be the lady from the bench/paramedic! Her name is Eliza and she seems to have a connection to Fillory and The Beast, heeds Quentin to learn magic faster, by any means necessary and let’s him off the hook. So, Quentin is safe… for now. He’s moving in with Margo and Eliot in the physical kid’s cottage (they mainly do physical magic there… and drink a lot. But more on that next time).

Finally, having proven herself to the hedge witches, Julia gets her first tattoo denoting her leveling up. Also, Dean Fogg is alive! And nursing his broken hands. Eliza asks what she can do to help to which the dean replies, “Make them magicians.”

01 Feb 16 Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting

Now that Julia has discovered the hedge witches who live in New York City, she starts to learn their magic – which they keep in a large binder of spells they have collected and put together and generally keep under wraps. Meanwhile, Dean Fogg has been growing new hands and has big, crazy, fake eyes that he can’t see out of AND he has a series of announcements. Going forward, each of the students will specialize in a specific type of magic, which is pretty standard practice at Brakebills, just it’s going to come a little sooner than usual. Thing is, if you start messing around with magic you don’t know enough about, you could hurt yourself or someone else.

So, everyone is examined by various professors to find their magic specialty. Alice’s specialty turns out to be phosphoromancy, which means she can bend light. Penny’s specialty is just boring old psychic ability and Quentin’s specialty is, well, he doesn’t have one. Either way Alice and Quentin are sent to live with the “Physical Kids” – those who do physical magic and live in the “physical cottage.” In order to get into the cottage, Alice and Quentin have to magic their way in. They pull it off by bending light and then get drunk and Alice confesses that she wants to retry the spell that brought them The Beast – because ultimately what they were TRYING to do was conjure her brother Charlie.

The search for Charlie’s spirit leads them to the fountain where Charlie died, and something about their being there brings an evil spirit (Charlie?) out of the water to secretly drown a few students. Quentin and Alice want to learn more, but Eliot interrupts and pulls Quentin away to find the book that Kady stole from the physical cottage. Alice, meanwhile, is left to ask Margo what she knows about Charlie’s death.

It turns out that back when Charlie was at Brakebills, he helped a student named Emily Greenstreet, so Margo and Alice head off to find her. Emily wants nothing to do with them but tells them the story: she tried to make herself more beautiful, messed up her face by using a spell, and Charlie tried to help her. In the process, Charlie’s magic got away from him and he made himself into a niffin: a blue fire-ghost basically.

Eliot and Quentin use the second edition of the missing book to find the first edition. See, at Brakebills, the books like each other quite a bit, and are downright amorous, so a missing book is best located by taking its mate out for a walk. That search leads Quentin and Eliot right to Julia and the hedge witches. It doesn’t go great because Quentin and Julia have been needing to clear the air: he calls her out for always knowing that he was in love with her and she is angry that he wouldn’t help her get into Brakebills. Quentin tells her that she’s just angry that she wasn’t good enough to get in. So. Friendship over.

When Penny drops in on the attic to meet the other psychics, he finds out that he’s not a psychic at all when he somehow transports himself to China. Penny turns out to be a traveler – someone who can, theoretically, move between worlds. From now on, he’s going to be studying with Professor Sunderland one on one. Meanwhile, you know who’s having a hard time holding everything together? Julia. All the hedge witches tell her that she has to manage her personal life. So she lies and tells James that she’s on drugs as an excuse for her weird behavior lately.

Quentin warns Alice of all the ways that bringing Charlie back is dangerous, and as a precaution brings a “niffin box” to her spellcasting (against Alice’s wishes). When Charlie reveals to be a little bit evil and out of control, Quentin traps him in the niffin box, ruining any chance of her bringing him back for good and also ruining his relationship with Alice, whose hope is lost for good. Alice is furious, packs up, and leaves Brakebills for good.

08 Feb 16 The World in the Walls

Quentin wakes up in a mental institution, far away from Brakebills. And this is not where he expected to be. Weirder still? Eliot is here, in his pajamas. Remember how Quentin was locked up early in the series? Well, his old doctor is here, as is Penny, dressed as a hospital orderly. It turns out, the “court” ordered Quentin to be here and Brakebills is a hallucination he has when he’s not taking his pills. Wait: has everything so far just been a dream?

And! In addition to Eliot and Penny, the rest of the gang is here, too! Alice is a patient who thinks she’s an alien and that Quentin is here to rescue her. Dean Fogg appears as a doctor monitoring all of their behavior. When Julia drops by to visit Quentin, things get a little suspicious. She says she wants to help, but Quentin can’t help notice that she’s also a little…manipulative and evil, maybe? Wait, is Julia behind all this? Quentin gets confirmation that he’s trapped in a dream when Jane Chatwin appears and then Quentin realizes that this is a spell and that the answers are in one of the Fillory books.

Later, in his music therapy class, Quentin hears Fake-Dream-Sequence Penny mention Taylor Swift, remembers that they’d talked about it in the past, and chooses to contact Penny through psychic abilities and DANCE! That’s when Quentin’s father shows up at the nuthouse and they all watch a video proving that Quentin tried to kill his father and that’s why he’s been committed. More and more, it’s starting to look like Brakebills really might exist in Quentin’s damaged mind.

That’s when Real-Penny turns up, hears fake-Penny singing Taylor Swift, calls Quentin a racist (Fake Penny has a strong Indian accent in Quentin’s dream) and agrees to go looking for Quentin in real life. When Penny wakes up, Julia and Marina are revealed to have cast the whole thing as a spell in order to get revenge on Quentin. But, is that all? Marina has bigger plans. See, in order for Quentin to be rescued from the dream, Dean Fogg has to drop some of the protection charms around the school, and that allows Julia and Marina to get into Brakebills and steal back Marina’s memories. Yep. It turns out Marina was thrown out of Brakebills and had her memories (and the spells they contained) wiped and stored in a wooden box.

Kady (keenly aware of Marina’s machinations) reveals she knows where Quentin’s unconscious body is and leads the Dean to it. Dean Fogg endeavors to wake him from the spell by letting a mechanical looking scorpion crawl into him. They can wake him up halfway, but Quentin has to do the rest himself. The dream, though, has taken a pretty terrifying turn. As Penny jumps into the dream to help, the doctor and Quentin’s bloody father have decided to lobotomize Quentin. Marina steals her memories back from Brakebills and Kady convinces Julia to help Quentin get out. Julia risks everything by going to Dean Fogg and asking for help.

Quentin finds himself in a sort of light-jail with Jane Chatwin and Ellsworth Downs, a magician from the Fillory books. They have to play a game like they’re in a Fillory novel, and Quentin decides to do what Ellsworth Downs did – stop playing. Once he does this, he’s rescued, awakes back in the real world and asks Dean Fogg to help him learn magic faster. Finally, Marina restores her memories and is furious with Julia for helping Quentin. She removes Julia’s tattoos and tosses her out of the hedge witch circle, cutting her off from magic completely. Things are not going well for poor Julia, team.

15 Feb 16 Mendings, Major and Minor

After betraying Quentin and getting kicked out of her coven of hedge witches, Julia has nowhere to turn to keep learning new magic. She’s a fighter, though, and marches right back up to Marina’s safe house to demand her share of the spells she helped steal. Luckily, she is intercepted by Pete who warns her to stay away cause Marina WILL hurt her. Alice is visited by Dean Fogg, who urges her to return and continue her studies, just in time for Alumni Week, in which past Brakebills students pick a current student to mentor for the year. Eliot and Margo are obsessed with making sure they get a mentor who can get them VIP access to the magical world. Namely: Alice’s aunt Genji.

Since he doesn’t play well with others, Penny is working away in a classroom when Stanley arrives. He’s another traveler who, like it or not, has decided he is going to be Penny’s mentor. Stanley tells Penny that his new powers can be very dangerous, as evidenced by Stanley’s missing leg.

Later, while working on some magic in the library, Quentin is interrupted by Alice. Their dynamic is a little off, because Quentin trapped Alice’s brother/Niffin in a box for all eternity. However, there’s some deep concern in Alice’s face as she hands Quentin a note from the office, informing him that his father is very sick. Quentin rushes to his father’s side. He wants info! What can he do to help? His father though, assures him that there’s nothing to be done. The treatments for the cancer would leave him a different person, so now he just wants to fix the relationship with Quentin, which he feels is broken. Uh boy. There’s a season-long arc.

Neither Eliot nor Margo have secured a mentor for the coming year and are starting to get desperate. Both come to Alice to ask for her to put in a good word to her aunt, Genji who’s something like an alumni superstar at Brakebills. Begging, flattery, bribes of booze and baked goods! It’s clear that these two will stop at nothing.

Raise your hand if you think a safe way to learn magic is via Google? Julia does. After almost burning her apartment down with an invisible fire spell she finds online, Julia calls Pete to try and get through to him one more time. Julia is smart though. She’s a hot chick and he’s a dude. What does she have that he wants? Boobs. She makes some moves on him in exchange for his help to find a new group of witches.

Meanwhile, at Brakebills… what’s a magic school without it’s own magic games? At Brakebills, everyone plays Welters. Kind of like chess, the aim is to capture squares on the Welters board using spells. This game is a big deal to Margo who wants to impress the prospective mentors who are in the crowd. Distracted by his father’s cancer, Quentin unleashes a scary black hole on the stadium, which could be the end of everyone, if not for a quick thinking Alice. Luckily, the black hole ends up wiping the entire board winning the game for the physical kids.

Penny and Kady spend their afternoon playing their own games… if you know what we mean. While going through his pockets, Kady finds a symbol that Penny tells her is a spell that will tether his body to the ground leaving him only able to astrally project. Kady tries to convince him not to give up his power and instead use it for his own gain… but, coming from her, is this really all that surprising?

Quentin, unable to give up on his father, decides to try and fix him with magic. Enter Cancer Puppy. Just about the cutest 150-year-old enchanted puppy you ever did see. In an attempt to save cancer puppy and thereby find a cure for his father’s condition, Quentin ends up killing cancer puppy, learning a harsh lesson about magic: Magic can’t fix everything. He then returns home and in an attempt to heal his and his father’s fractured relationship, tell his father he is a magician.

Pete kind of comes through and finds a new hedge for Julia to learn magic in. Except this one blows! She is completely disappointed in Pete for suggesting she band with this bunch of losers and lets Pete know it. New plan. Julia is going to come clean to her boyfriend, James, about the magic and once he understands what she’s going through she’ll be free to go far and wide to find new magic! Except… next time she talks to him he doesn’t remember her. Julia is PISSED after figuring out that Marina and Pete have wiped her boyfriend’s mind of any memory of her. Pete claims it was to protect James from Julia and her quest for more power. We have a feeling though that Pete and Marina ain’t seen nothing yet. Back at Brakebills, Eliot and Margo receive the harsh news that the mere thought of mentoring either one of them is completely exhausting to Genji, leaving them both mentor-less for the year. All that ass-kissing for nothing.

Later, plagued by a new voice. Well, more like a scream, Penny decides it’s time to try and communicate back. This attempt finds Penny astral projecting somewhere he’s never been before. It’s dark. There’s a symbol on the door of two rams. There’s a woman in chains. AND THEN THERE’S THE BEAST! Where is this place and why does The Beast have this girl? And oh yeah! Remember that 3rd year class that mysteriously vanished? The girl he saw in The Beast’s dungeon was from that class. What is going on? Something about that symbol on the wall strikes a chord with Penny. When he shows it to Quentin who recognizes the symbol as Ember’s Seal, it all becomes clear. You guys, Penny went to Fillory.

22 Feb 16 Impractical Applications

Quentin has a million questions, but no answers. First — Holy crap, Fillory is real?! And Penny was there? And why was The Beast there since The Beast isn’t part of the Fillory novels? Frustrated, Kady and Penny leave to do the ink spell that will tether Penny’s body to earth. Kady lets Penny in and tells him about her family: mom died when she was young and dad is a pot growing hippie who loves her no matter how much trouble she gets in. Which let’s face it, is a lot. Meanwhile, Julia’s search for a new source of magic leads her down a dark alley where someone is following her. After Julia gets the jump on the lady and demands answers, the mystery woman reveals that she too was banished by Marina. Could she be a new ally?

Turns out, this is Hannah, a hedge witch with a complicated past and some fun new spells to try. Hannah offers Julia the new spells if she can do them with her. So off they go to Julia’s new safe house where they do a little magic and decide to steal some new spells from Marina. (Danger!) Back at Brakebills, Quentin is trying to have a quiet evening in, when he’s suddenly kidnapped. Turns out that Eliot and Margo and the other upperclassmen have kidnapped ALL the first for years for something called “The Trials.” If they can’t pass these three challenges they get kicked out of Brakebills for good.

The first task Quentin and company gets is to translate and cast some 100-year-old spells… not easy. But, the whole idea of The Trials is to think like a magician. So Q and Penny decide to cheat, using Penny’s astral projection power to copy off of Alice (duh). Eliot finds out that they cheated, but they still pass! Meanwhile, Hannah and Julia decide that if they are going to steal Marina’s spells, they need someone on the inside. So Hannah reaches out to someone with whom she has “history.” You bet there’s history… the magician she contacts is her daughter, KADY. Kady says she won’t help the two and tells Julia why Hannah was really banished; a spell gone wrong that killed two people. This is also why Kady has to steal stuff for Marina. (Drama!) With all this new info, Julia calls off the newfound partnership with Hannah.

Everyone is celebrating passing the first trial. Everyone that is, except for Quentin. In a rare show of kindness, Margo shows up and gives Q a little pep talk and offers him a drink to get the celebration started… oh wait… no. She’s slipped him roofies. When Q comes to in the middle of a forest, Eliot is there and tells him the next challenge is for him to catch a fish… with a bow and arrow. Even weirder; Alice has to chop down a tree with a rope, Kady has to catch a pheasant with a net and Penny is told to catch a horse with an Ax. Penny soon discovers that everyone was given a tool to take care of someone else’s task, so with a little communication, they work together to pass the second trial! Huzzah!

Julia attempts to cast a spell to steal Marina’s files, but turns out you NEED two people so Hannah shows up and saves her right before she’s about to blow herself up. Julia is still very hesitant, but finally agrees to let Hannah help her. Together, they get Marina’s files. And then…uh boy… Hannah’s nose begins bleeding and her eyes go all blood shot and crazy looking and then OMG THERE IS BLOOD POURING OUT OF HER HEAD! Marina must have put some SERIOUS wards on those cabinets because just like that: Hannah is dead.

Now we have come to the third and final trial. Margo and Eliot explain to the remaining first years that the last trial is a to reveal their truest self to a magical adept by midnight. Which already isn’t easy. Put that on top of that the fact that they have to do it naked and tied together… awkward. They’ll know that they have completed the trial when their ropes magically fall off. Penny and Kady start their ritual with some body paint in the garden. They gaze into each others eyes and try to think of what their deepest truths are. Which is when things go south. Penny, not one for mushy feelings, actually tells Kady that he thinks he’s falling in love with her. And Kady comes back with the fact that ever since they first met she has been using him to steal stuff. So it’s a mixed bag, but their ropes fall off.

Things aren’t going great for Alice and Quentin either, who, as the clock strikes midnight, are still in ropes. Depressed and knowing that they have failed they start to open up to each other. Alice tells Q that she holds back with her magic everyday for fear that she’ll be branded a freak, but she is powerful. Quentin tells Alice how he’s constantly running away from himself cause he’s really just a scared little boy and just like that their ropes fall off. It wasn’t too late! But OH GOD WHY ARE THEY TURNING INTO BIRDS?!

29 Feb 16 The Mayakovsky Circumstances

Our intrepid magicians, fresh off their getting-naked-and-expressing-feelings dates turn into geese and fly to Brakebills South. It’s a rite of passage for Brakebills students, to fly as a goose to Antarctica and study with a great magician named Mayakovsky. He’s an angry Russian guy who won’t let them speak and tells them they have to do a spell to drive nails into boards with magic as their only tool. Which is tough, and also, somehow, makes Quentin and Alice realizes they love each other quite a bit.

Meanwhile, Eliot and Margo are going to Ibiza for what seems to be Brakebills Spring Break. In order to go, one has to be invited and bring a gift for the elders. So not only do they have an underclassman named Todd begging them for an invite, they’ve decided to conjure magic gin to take with them to present to the elders. They head off to the library to find the spell (which is in Arabic) and meet Mike, a handsome new friend for Eliot to fool around with. All of that while Julia’s sister arrives to check in and take care of her. Though, big news, Julia’s mom thinks that Julia has started to crack up and may be considering putting her away for good.

After some difficult spell-casting, Quentin and Alice both finally master the nail-spell. Mayakovsky tells Quentin he’s a great magician, slaps him, and then Q and Alice totally make out. Not one to congratulate anyone, Mayakovsky tells the team that they have to learn mind-control on lesser creatures (bugs n’ such). Mayakovsky also realizes that Penny is a traveler and now wants to help him by cutting off the tattoo that binds him to Earth. After Penny embarks on some traveling, and survives even landing in a volcano, he decides to patch things up with Kady by reading her mind and learning all about her. He decides to steal something from Mayakovsky so that she can buy her freedom from Marina.

Eliot and Margo’s plan to conjure magic gin actually turns out to be a plan to conjure a magic Djinn. So. A genie. And since it was Margo that conjured him, the Djinn reads her mind and makes Mike disappear. It turns out that the wish Margo made in her head was for Mike to go “find another knob to suck on.” And so, quite literally, that’s where they find him.

More nudity! Mayakovsky turns Quentin and Alice out into the snow for another challenge. Shortly thereafter, they turn into foxes. And they have fox-sex. After Kady had to drop her brain charms so Penny could read her mind, Mayakovsky learned about how much she’d been stealing. And so has Brakebills. She’s been expelled and learns if she goes back, her memories will be wiped (meaning, no memories of Penny). She decides to abandon Penny for good, perhaps to protect herself and perhaps to protect him (imagine poor Penny if he knew Kady was still around and didn’t remember him. Would that hurt more than him thinking she dumped him?). Mayakovsky and Quentin have a heart to heart and the gang all goes back to Brakebills, to magic things and another day.

Finally, Margo wishes everything back to normal and Eliot bails on Margo’s Ibiza trip so he can hang out naked with Mike. And uhm, something’s up with Mike, gang. A blue moth, some creepy blue eyes. Is Eliot going to be alright?

07 Mar 16 The Strangled Heart

There is a lot of relationship drama at Brakebills all of a sudden: Eliot is super into Mike, even though they don’t have very much in common. Mike is also still doing some pretty messed up stuff and might be possessed by the Beast? Meanwhile, Alice and Quentin return from Brakebills South and are busted for having had sex as foxes. Alice tells Quentin she doesn’t know if it’s him or the fox pheromones and tells him they ought to take a break. Even Penny and Professor Sunderland have the hots for one another. Penny suggests that maybe they should start traveling together from now on. And maybe they will…

Back in New York, Mike wakes up and tears the head off a bunny that’s come to visit. He pulls a pretty serious knife from inside the rabbit. All that while Marina stops by the rehab place where Julia is convalescing and tells her that basically, if there’s anymore Julia funny-business, Marina will kill Julia and everyone she loves.

At Brakebills, Everyone’s course load doubles and study groups become mandatory: yep, Penny, Alice and Quentin – all grouped together. Sigh. The squad that can’t seem to not squad. Eliot and Mike are so into each other that Eliot confesses he’s not really a snooty New England type but a farm kid from Indiana. Seconds later, Mike turns up at Quentin and Penny’s study group with his bunny-knife and tries to stab Quentin, who dodges – but the knife gets Penny.

Penny is rushed to the infirmary and the school leaps into action to figure out what’s happening with Mike, who is locked in a room where nobody can do magic. The stab wound is starting to grow black roots out of Penny’s side. Quentin and Alice realize that what’s happening to Penny is familiar – something they’ve seen before – in a Fillory book. The answer in that case was to burn a doll that belonged to Jane Chatwin so the vines would transfer to the doll. So they make a Penny doll and…it doesn’t work.

Professor Sunderland does a favor for Eliot and lets him speak to Mike in the magic room – Mike is a wreck, doesn’t remember any of what he’s done, and it turns out – might have been blacked out when he and Eliot started dating. Eliza returns and Dean Fogg tells her that this is her problem to solve. That whatever has been visited upon the campus is something she’s responsible for fixing. Eliza, in turn, tells Quentin the real deal about Jane’s doll in Fillory – that the doll wasn’t JUST a surrogate version of Jane – it was her most prized possession.

The chaplain at Julia’s rehab, meanwhile, turns out to be Brakebills alum and calls her out on her hedge witch star tattoos. He hands her a piece of paper with a spell on it that allows her to call a local field spirit. After Julia casts the spell the chaplain gave her, she is lifted off the ground and says it’s like touching the main power source to magic. The chaplain tells her that in order to receive absolution for messing with Quentin’s mind, she has to do penance and she agrees.

Alice and Quentin, meanwhile, search Penny’s room for the possession he prizes most and they find the candy wrapper that he shared with Kady. Turns out, Penny’s just a big softy. It works and breaks the spell! And then here’s a surprise: it turns out that Mike is actually possessed by The Beast. And when Eliza confronts him, he reveals HER true identity – she’s actually Jane Chatwin and she’s been looking for The Beast for a long time. We didn’t see this coming! But even more, we didn’t see the part where Mike kills her.

As Mike escapes and starts to try and murder Dean Fogg (who’s still having trouble casting spells with his newly –regrown hands) – Eliot turns up and snaps Mike’s neck with a spell. We were SO INTO this relationship before it turned out Mike was possessed by a crazy evil murderous Beast. Finally, after Dean Fogg tells Quentin that the next step seems to be that everyone dies and he doesn’t know how to fix or stop it, Quentin freaks out and makes out with Alice, because fox pheromones or not – this is big love, team.

14 Mar 16 The Writing Room

Let’s start off the episode with all the feels! Julia reaches out to Quentin and apologizes for entering his mind and making him think he’s nuts. Quentin replies that he’s also sorry. As we wonder, when can these two be friends again? Julia’s busy though, still looking for a way to forgive herself for all she’s done when Richard the Chaplain convinces her to use the spell that got her inside Quentin’s head for good and not evil. All she has to do is enter the mind of Kira, a magician who may hold a powerful spell but her body has given up leaving her untouchable by the outside world. So Julia casts the spell to talk with Kira but ends up stuck in a box. And there’s only one way out of a box: to light it on fire. But it turns out it was all a test! Julia now finds herself on a park bench with Kira who shows Julia a very elaborate spell she needs to learn here and take into the outside world.

At Brakebills, Quentin is urged by Alice to find the missing 6th Fillory book, and is lead right to Penny. Penny confesses to stealing the book, reading it, and throwing it away, but tells Quentin and Alice what he remembers from the missing book. Turns out, it was JANE CHATWIN, not Plover, who wrote book 6, which is the story of how Jane went to Fillory by herself to catch one of 7 Questing Creatures (who if captured, must grant you a wish). Upon catching one of these creatures Jane wishes for a key that would let the beholder into Fillory whenever they wanted. So the creature gave her a magic button. Quentin, Penny, and Alice decide they need to get to Christopher Plover’s house in England to find that magic button, which is where Eliot comes in. Turns out, he and Margo built a magic door into their favorite pub in London. He’ll show them where it is… if he can come along for the ride.

So, after a brief tour of the Plover House, where Q schools the guide on some mad Plover knowledge yo – the gang returns to break in and find the button. Instead they find that Plover did not actually die of a heart attack like everyone was lead to believe: it was all a cover up of the fact that he actually went missing! Even more shocking… Plover was studying MAGIC! Just as they’re starting to get some answers, the group is busted by the tour guide from earlier. After some prodding and some scary fire magic from Eliot, the guide confides that Plover was into some dark stuff. Speaking of dark stuff, the tour guide then disappears only to reappear with his THROAT SLIT AND LIPS SEWN SHUT! Run quickly away!

As with any good haunted house, the gang gets split up and find little ghost boys who wanna play hide and seek with Q and Penny, then Alice and Eliot partake in a very disturbing tea party with a little ghost girl. And who may you ask is serving said tea? It’s the ghost of Prudence Plover. Christopher Plover’s creepy mean sister. She insists that the ghost girl, Alice, and Eliot drink the tea but only ghost girl drinks it all, with some dire consequences. Once Prudence leaves, Eliot loosens his bonds and he and Alice escape.

Back in Kira’s mind, Julia is learning the spell she was sent there for and everyone gets a case of feelings. Kira tells Julia about her favorite memory, a day in the park making magic rainbows with her girlfriend. Then Julia shows Kira her favorite place, under the dining room table that she and Q used to snuggle up under as kids and imagine what it would be like to go to Fillory, complete with some very detailed maps. Julia learns the spell and Kira has one last request: Kill her. We knew there had to be a catch.

Back at the Ghost House, Penny and Quentin watch Christopher Plover and Martin and Jane Chatwin interact, which causes the realization that the ghosts are showing them things that actually happened in the house. Martin is bummed out after being turned away from Fillory (again!) but no matter: scary-as-hell Prudence comes out of nowhere and attacks Quentin and Penny! Quentin is saved by the little ghost boy, but Penny ends up in what Prudence calls, The Quiet Place. Don’t worry though because before Pru can do too much harm to Penny, he uses his traveler abilities to get the hell out of there.

The little ghost boy and Quentin hide and watch as Jane returns from Fillory having successfully found the magical button. Now Martin can come and go as he pleases! Martin gives the button to the ghost boy, (named George, the son of Plover’s housekeeper, btw) and tells him to hide it somewhere in the house. And also, uhm, turns out Christopher Plover drugged, took dirty pics of, and did God knows what else to Martin. And! Sister Prudence helped him cover it all up. Bleh.

Before Quentin can compute all this new info, the whole squad is discovered by Prudence, who kills George and takes him to The Quiet Place. After that, the gang put it all together: Plover was obsessed with getting to Fillory, talked about growing an extra finger in order to cast very intricate spells… Could he be The Beast? Also, if this is where George is buried, could this also be where the magic button is? Only one way to find out! To The Quiet Place, they go.

Quentin hatches a plan to get past Prudence and the team finds George’s body and … the button! Unfortunately, they couldn’t save the ghost children from repeating their nightmarish death over and over, which gives Alice and Eliot severe agita (again). But here it is! Access to Fillory! Quentin warns Penny not to touch the key until they can figure out how to use it. Penny assures everyone he was trained by the best and won’t go anywhere until HE says so, and then reaches down, grabs the button and disappears completely. So much for that.

21 Mar 16 Homecoming

When last we saw Penny, he had grabbed hold of the magical button and straight up disappeared. But where did he end up? A fountain in a new land that’s filled with fountains! Welcome to the Neitherlands, and meet Eve, the self-proclaimed “Welcoming Committee.” She seems friendly enough until she hurls some scary magic at Penny trying to get his button. To escape, Penny travels to another part of the Neitherlands, but how is he going to get back to Earth? Well, perhaps he can use his astral projection to get into Quentin’s head to send him a message! It works (yay!) but Penny finds himself right in the middle of one of Quentin’s nerd-boy fantasies. Even more disturbing is the fact that Q tells Penny he hasn’t been gone for 6 hours like Penny thought, he’s been gone for 6 WEEKS! But all is not lost. They now know WHERE Penny is… but how to get him back? Alice and Quentin seek advice from Eliot and Margo, but Eliot, in a bit of a drug haze, is in no condition to help anyone out. Luckily, Alice confesses that she may know a traveler who can help them.

Back in NYC, Julia has now made a group of (cyber) friends with which she can talk all things magic. Lead by Richard, they are all going to meet face to face in order to work on some big magic project, but first Julia needs to level up with help from none other than… KADY! We haven’t seen her since she found out her mom died (kinda Julia’s fault) and she ran away from Brakebills (breaking Penny’s heart).

Alice travels to her hometown of Chicago, in hopes she’ll be able to find the traveler who can help them rescue Penny. In Chicago we find Alice’s parents throwing an orgy. Yep. Alice begs Q to distract her dad while she goes to find her mom who may have some answers about the traveler they need. Unfortunately, ever since Alice’s brother went all niffin, things have been very strained between Alice and her mother, or Stephanie as she prefers to be called. Alice wants to know what happened with her brother, her mom – ahem, Stephanie – has no interest in finding anything out as it won’t bring her son back. Feels abound, and Alice is unable to get any of the info she needs.

After Q and Alice leave, Margo decides that Eliot is acting weird, even for him, and takes him to the infirmary. The nurse however says Eliot is fine and it is Margo who is in danger of imminent death after engaging in some unprotected rituals, which are now draining her of her life force. Is there such a thing as a magical prophylactic? We digress. Margo and Eliot hunt down this ex-lover of Margo’s, who in a fit of obsession after she left him decided to build a golem, or in this case a Margolem to take her place. While confronting the ex, Margo finds she also has to confront Eliot, who since the whole ugliness that happened with Mike has been medicating with all sorts of drugs. To be fair, we would too if we were forced to magically break our boyfriend’s neck…

Meanwhile, Penny finds himself in the Library of the Neitherlands, the greatest repository of knowledge. He meets a very bureaucratic librarian, who while very unhelpful in getting him a map (it would have to come from another branch, which could take 4-6 weeks) is very helpful in answering some questions: 1) Eve and the thugs upstairs are locals of the Neitherlands who have been banned from the library and cursed so they cant use the magic portals. 2) Some of these thugs have found themselves in employ of The Beast. 3) The library contains the books of every person who has ever lived… including Martin Chatwin. As a means of protecting the book, knowing it would get damaged if they fought over it, the librarian copies a few pages from Martin’s book and then banishes Penny from the library.

Kady and Julia have successfully completed all the spells they need to level up. But while trying to have a celebratory slice of pizza, they experience the effects of the spell their cohorts have been working on. Turns out, it was some SERIOUS time magic. But that’s only the beginning of what they want to accomplish. The ultimate goal of the cyber witches? Summoning a god.

After the confrontation with her mom earlier, Alice makes one last effort to find the traveler… which is much easier than she thought. Meet Joe: the third in Alice’s parent’s poly-amorous triad, complete with adaptable genitalia. Joe is the traveler who Alice was looking for, but when they meet with him, they get a little more than they bargained for. See, Joe is not only a practitioner of sex magic, but also a sex therapist. While teaching Alice and Quentin a beacon spell that requires that they both climax at the same time, it unleashes some of the new couples feels on jealousy, measuring up, and sexual inadequacy. Not weird at all to talk about with your parent’s mutual boyfriend…

But boy howdy did it work! After having one of those talks where they lay out all the feels on the table, Alice and Quentin **get it on**, successfully completing the beacon spell that Joe had taught them earlier, allowing Penny to find the portal that would let him get back to Earth. Unfortunately, the portal directs him straight to Alice’s room, where Q and Alice are still going at it…awkward.

28 Mar 16 Remedial Battle Magic

So. Now that Penny has been sent home from the library in the Netherlands with pages about Martin Chatwin, the team gathers around the cottage to discuss their game plan for dealing with The Beast. According to the pages, what they need is the Leo Blade- a knife so powerful it can kill anything, even a God. The problem is, there’s just one place to find it. Yep. Fillory.

Since the gang disagrees about what to do next, they do a series of probability spells that all turn out the same way – if they don’t try to find a way to kill the Beast, he will turn up and murder everyone. And it will definitely happen within the next week. But they can’t go into Fillory without some serious battle magic. The problem is that battle magic is illegal, and learning it turns out to be impossible unless they know someone who can help them. Turns out, Kady knew quite a bit of battle magic. And so they ask Penny to help them find her.

Penny’s having some problems of his own. See, what The Beast wants is to shut off all roads to him, and so he’s gotten inside the heads of any traveler. He’s created noises to drive them crazy, and it works. Many of the travelers, including Penny’s mentor and Joe the Sex Therapist – commit suicide. Penny chooses to do a TON of cocaine and ends up in the infirmary where Professor Sunderland gives him an unapproved device for blocking The Beasts messages.

Meanwhile, the team trying to contact a God decides to work their way up the magical creature food chain until they find someone who can contact a deity. And also? It turns out Julia is special – she’s God-touched. She can draw up a spirit faster than the others. While everyone is out trying to find some magical creatures, the team from Brakebills turn up and question Kady about battle magic. Turns out the way to learn it is to rid yourself of all emotion and give it a very concentrated try. On his way out, Quentin asks how Julia is and Kady asks how Penny is. Short answer? Everyone’s got a case of the heartbreaks.

Back at Brakebills, the team put all of their emotions into little shiny vials they wear around their necks. That does the trick! They can all learn battle magic until they have to put their emotions back into their bodies and it’s TERRIBLE. These are HUGE feelings that lead Alice and Penny to decide to try and opt for meditation instead. Speaking of feelings, Julia and Kady head off to find a magical creature that is masquerading as Kady’s mom. She tells the girls that all the Gods are dead.

Shortly thereafter, Julia prays to a statue and then has a vision of The Lady Underground. Turns out they’re on the right path after all. But things aren’t great for the gang in the woods. After another late night practice session that messed with their emotions, Quentin, Eliot, and Margo get rip roaring drunk and make a pretty serious mistake. When Alice discovers that Quentin had sex with Margo and Eliot, her heart is broken completely. And also? The Beast is still inbound. Everyone get dressed! You’ve got work to do!

04 Apr 16 Thirty-Nine Graves

Last time we saw Julia and Kady, they’d been given a quest by Our Lady Underground to find one of her servants. They find him exactly where Our Lady says he’ll be, but it takes some work to convince him they are worthy of his help. Eventually they get what they came for, an invocation that comes with a warning. “You can’t unring a bell, so be certain when you call.” So that’s… spooky.

Meanwhile at Brakebills, everyone is dealing with all the feelings that resulted from the Quentin/Eliot/Margo sleeping together situation. Alice is furious at Quentin. Quentin is furious at Margo. Margo is furious at Quentin for being furious at her. Tensions are high as Penny tries to finalize the plan to get them to Fillory. Alice storms off to get away from the drama and Penny follows.

Back at Julia’s apartment, the “summon a God squad” is celebrating! They have what they need to call on Our Lady! Party time, right?! Not quite. Julia still has some reservations about the whole thing after the parting words from Our Lady’s servant. Richard convinces her that because they are pure in their intentions they have nothing to worry about. Then he gives her that look… You know which one. Bow chicka bow wow!

Now Margo is mad at Eliot. And Eliot has stopped caring about anything. And Quentin just can’t take it, so he stalks off, with all his broody feels, in search of Alice. First stop, her room. But wait, what’s that sound? It sounds like moaning. But that can’t be, the only two people missing are OH MY GOD ALICE IS HAVING SEX WITH PENNY! No time to worry about that because everyone has to get to Fillory stat! Thankfully, they have those magic bottles to house their emotions in, otherwise Alice and Quentin would get them all killed. So off they go to the Neitherlands. But, oh no! Within seconds of crawling out of the fountain, they are surrounded by Eve and her henchman. In the fray, the gang loses their map and Q gets pushed back into the fountain and lands back on Earth, with no way to get back.

The rest of the gang manages to escape and Penny leads them to the Neitherlands library where they find that awesome eccentric librarian from Penny’s last visit who says that they can stay and hide out. The caveat being that they are not allowed to have any food or drink or other intoxicants, including their emotion bottles which she quickly destroys, unleashing all those bottled up feelings. While waiting for his friends to normalize their behaviors, Penny goes searching for answers. He needs to learn how to master his traveling abilities, how to bring people with him where he goes, and The Librarian has that book – just in another branch. Of course.

Stuck at Brakebills, Quentin pays a visit to Dean Fogg looking for answers. To help him with that, truth serum! Team: Pay attention now, ’cause this part is important and slightly complex: Eliza (remember her? British lady that was killed back in Episode #8?) was actually Jane Chatwin. Jane, who possessed the magical ability to mess with time, put Q and company in a time loop in an attempt to defeat The Beast. (But why?) See, every time the gang failed, Jane would reset the time loop and change something in hopes that this change would bring about the death of The Beast! (Oh, wait, how many times has she done this?) She has apparently done this 39 times (Including one time where Margo’s name was Janet – wink wink to fans of The Magicians books), but since she died, this is their last chance. This newfound knowledge makes Quentin realize he needs help in a big way, so he seeks out the thing that has changed – and it’s his oldest friend, Julia. You see, apparently the change that Jane made in THIS timeline (again, the 39th timeline she created to kill the Beast), Julia was rejected from Brakebills. Follow?

After Quentin explains everything to Julia, apologies are made and accepted, feelings are felt, hugs all around. Q wonders how Julia is taking all this news so well, which is when she explains that she has found bigger/better magic out there and tells him all about invoking Our Lady Underground. Julia and Kady’s mission worked. We see flashes of the ceremony and the resulting peace it offered. But where’s Julia’s gang now? Apparently, Our Lady has sent them all, including Kady on a very hush-hush mission. With that, Julia and Q now they have to find their way to Fillory. For the Chatwin children, they always found a way in through a door that magically appeared. But Julia and Quentin can’t just make a door appear… which gives Quentin an idea.

While hiding out in the library, Margo finds Eliot among the stacks reading the book of Mike, the ex-boyfriend who, while possessed by The Beast, Eliot had to kill. Too many feelings and too much brooding makes Eliot go a little crazy and he torches the book which causes The Librarian to banish them all from the library. Out in the world of the Neitherlands the group is vulnerable to attack when they meet Josh Hoberman. He’s one of the disappeared 3rd year students we’d heard so much about. Apparently the girl locked up in The Beast’s dungeon, Victoria, took Josh and some fellow classmates to Fillory for spring break. It was all fun and games until all the bad stuff with The Beast went down. When Josh finds out the gang is heading to Fillory in part to save her, he decides to come along. Now how are they going to get past Eve? Alice bends light so she can hide her friends as they walk right past the guards. Eliot, however, bungles the whole thing after eating some psychedelic carrots (yes, you read that right) and wanders away from the group. Battle magic abounds, blood is shed and there is slicing. And finally, the gang escapes into the Fillory fountain. They’re safe, for now.

Quentin and Julia decide that they need to be there when a door to Fillory has already been opened. Go back in time, as it were, to when one of the Chatwins goes through and just follow them. But how to get to the 1940’s? Luckily, Julia has an idea. After a trip to Brakebills, Julia and Quentin are now in possession of a magical time machine that will take them to April 19, 1942, two days before Jane Chatwin finds a door into Fillory in one of the Fillory books. And…it works! The friends find themselves in England in 1942 and they see Jane. They follow her into a magical phone booth, which leads them into a forest. They both marvel as they look around: They’re in Fillory.

11 Apr 16 Have You Brought Me Little Cakes

So, right after Quentin and Julia follow Jane Chatwin through the portal into Fillory of the 1940’s (remember the time machine?), they find themselves in the middle of a scene from the original Fillory books, in which Jane gets caught in a trap and is rescued by a traveling witch and fool. Turns out that Quentin and Julia are The Witch and The Fool! They discover they have been followed by Martin Chatwin, and tell him they want to stop Plover by finding the Leo blade. Martin doesn’t know what that is, but agrees to take them to someone who might be able to help them.

Cue the sword smith! Apparently, the weapon they need in order to kill a Master Magician has to be made of moonstone. The blades will take years to forge and will not come cheap: what the sword smith wants is for someone from his family to eventually be a King or Queen of Fillory and since only Earthlings can become Kings and Queens here, he strikes a deal.

And then Q and Julia meet The Watcherwoman. Martin scurries away, because EVERYONE’s afraid of her, but Julia and Quentin are trapped! The Watcherwoman turns out to be none other than Jane Chatwin. Long story short, Jane was given the power to manipulate time as a young girl by The Watcherwoman, who she becomes as an adult… yes, our brains hurt too. Watcherwoman Jane sends Quentin and Julia back to the Fillory of their own time, but not before telling Quentin that some very powerful magic has been used to block memories from Julia’s mind but not to touch it! There’s something very dark there that maybe Julia is better off not remembering…

Julia and Quentin make it to the Fillory of 2016, but … something is different. This Fillory isn’t lush and green and filled with flowers like the one they just left. This one sucks. Dead forests and dry riverbeds. This is apparently what happens when a maniacal, murderous master magician takes over. They find the team in a pub, and now the next step in killing The Beast is hunting down that blade that Julia and Quentin had commissioned back in the 1940’s Fillory. They get to the sword makers hut only to discover that he’s dead, but luckily his son still has the blade they need to kill The Beast. The payment is still due for his bloodline to become rulers of Fillory, a test is contrived that proves that Elliot is the groom, but also, uhm…the High King of Fillory.

A wedding! Even after Eliot discovers that to marry someone in Fillory means he will never be able to go back to Earth, Eliot decides that he’s tried drugs and booze and sex to make himself happy, maybe this time he should try doing something good and unselfish (good lad, Eliot, give it a whirl). But while the wedding goes on, Penny decides that everyone’s wasting time and astrally projects to The Beast’s dungeons to see if he can find some clues as to where the castle is located.

It turns out that only a Master Magician can wield the Leo blade. Information that would have been useful BEFORE Eliot went and got married, so what to do now? Q and Julia decide to go find Ember, a god who may have the answers they need. But it turns out The Beast actually trapped Ember and took his power. Ember tells Q that Fillory needs a champion who can face the beast so Quentin volunteers, yet Q still needs to get around the little fact that he can’t wield the black. Ember’s solution? To bestow his power onto Quentin, by gifting Quentin with a jar of his sperm…to drink…right before the battle with The Beast. Gross. Ember also bestows a gift upon Julia and lifts the memory spell that she was under. Quentin doesn’t know what Julia remembers but he can tell that it is NOT good as Julia is emotionally distraught by the memory.

Meanwhile, Penny and the rest of the gang rescue Victoria, the third year student who was being held captive by The Beast, in hopes that she might have some insight on how to defeat him. They find her, but apparently there is another prisoner there, who may also be of value. And it’s Fillory author, Christopher Plover, who turns out NOT to be The Beast. But guess who is? Martin Chatwin. Turns out that Martin wanted a way to stay in Fillory forever and figured out how to by sucking all the humanity out of himself and replacing it with the magic of Fillory’s source.

After learning all of this, the squad gets in formation. They have the knife, they know where to find The Beast, and they have Ember’s gross jar of semen, which will give Quentin the power he needs to wield the knife. Ultimately, though, Quentin decides that Alice is the only one that can save them – since he’s tried unsuccessfully to do so in other time loops – and gives her Ember’s seed.

Before they go off, potentially to their deaths, Julia pulls Quentin aside to tell him about the memory Ember unlocked. And it’s pretty horrible. So, instead of summoning Our Lady Underground what actually happened was much darker. Julia’s new group of magician friends, The Free Traders, actually summoned Reynard The Fox, a trickster god who possessed Richard and killed the others and was about to kill Kady before Julia saved her. Then he raped Julia and left her for dead. Julia called Marina, the wicked hedge witch from earlier in the season, to help her dispose of the bodies and erase Julia’s memories. After telling Q all this, she makes him swear to help her find and kill Reynard. Holy smokes, team!

When the team finally gets to Martin Chatwin’s sort of lovely (and evil) Victorian office, all hell breaks loose. As Alice goes to stab him with the… hey, what a minute, where’s the knife? The Beast takes out Alice, Margo, Eliot, and then he cuts off Penny’s hands! Next, The Beast starts towards Quentin; ready to end him when Julia appears with the Leo blade. HOW she can pick it up is a good question (did Reynard change her somehow?). Also, poor Julia. With the blade to his neck, we thought she was all prepared to kill The Beast but she decides instead says to him, “You know how to kill Gods? I want to cut a deal.” Just like that, she leaves the gang bleeding on the floor with Quentin watching all his friends die.

Season 2

25 Jan 17 Knight of Crowns

When last we saw our gang of Magicians, things were looking pretty grim. Julia double crossed her friends and ran away with The Beast! Penny had his hands cut off! Alice, Margo, and Eliot appear to be dead!!! Bad things entirely.

Quentin, who may be the lone survivor, sprints through Fillory, searching for help. Finding a gingerbread/candy house, with a lollipop garden, inhabited by a witch who requires a vial of Quentin’s blood – he gets her to agree to save his friends. Ominous AF. Anyway, Quentin agrees and brings the witch back to his friends only to find that they are ALIVE!

It turns out, when Alice drank Ember’s (of Ember and Umber fame)… and there’s no delicate way to put this… seed, ew, she absorbed his God powers and was able to bring herself, Margo, and Eliot back to life! Quentin tries to get his blood back from the witch, whose services are now not needed, but she basically laughs in his face and leaves. Probably not the last we shall see of her.

While all that is going down in Fillory, Julia finds herself in NYC with The Beast, (Martin Chatwin from the Fillory and Further book series, as we have come to find out). We find out that Julia double crossed the gang and ran off with The Beast in order to get him to help her kill Reynard the Fox, a trickster god who killed all of Julia’s friend. She still has the secret weapon that the gang was going to use to kill The Beast and makes him sign a contract assuring that he will help her. Also, The Beast is a gross pedophile.

Back in Fillory, the gang doesn’t know what to do next, so they head to Elliot’s wife’s house. Yup, Eliot’s WIFE. As the High King of Fillory, he had to marry the daughter of the guy who made the weapon that would kill The Beast. There’s also a thing about how Eliot can NEVER leave Fillory…but more on that later. After consulting the Fillory and Further books, Quentin, Alice, and Elliot head to Castle Whitespire to find The Armory in hopes of finding knowledge to kill the Beast. Margo and Penny head to a magic river to reattach Penny’s hands, which were severed by The Beast.

On the way to the castle, Quentin realizes that before they can be granted access to Whitespire, they must first be actually crowned as Kings and Queens. Unfortunately, the only clue they have as to where to go to make that happen is something in the Fillory and Further books about a “rainbow bridge.” With a little magic though, they cast a spell that points them in the right direction.

Penny and Margo easily find the magic river but aren’t totally clear on how to use said magic to reattach Penny’s hands. Luckily (kinda) there’s a weird, hermit-like, river man there to provide assistance. Helping Margo sew Penny’s hands back on, he then tells Penny he needs to submerge all the way into the water, WHICH WORKS! Penny has his hands back! All’s well again! Until the river man asks for payment and Penny GOES OFF on him and storms away. After Penny’s back is turned though the river man performs a spell on Penny’s hands which can NOT be good.

With hands reattached, Penny and Margo meet back up with their buddies just in time to find the rainbow bridge! They’re close to finding the crowns! Before they can actually HAVE the crowns though, they must prove to the crown keeper that they are indeed children of Earth by answering a few questions. Unfortunately the questions are all about early 90’s Earth Trivia and seeing as how it’s 2017, the gang finds that their knowledge lacking. That is until Eliot delivers a monologue from the Dirty Dancing, proving to the crown keeper beyond the shadow of a doubt that these are in fact the Kings and Queens of Fillory! Huzzah!

Before Eliot can (un)ceremoniously just put a crown on his head, Quentin interjects that they HAVE to have a proper coronation. Emotional words are exchanged, bridges are rebuilt (remember that before heading to Fillory Quentin cheated on Alice with Margo AND Eliot and things got… well, messy), and Quentin’s little nerdy heart practically exploded, but it’s official. The friends are now the ruling monarchs of Fillory! On to Castle Whitespire!

Before they go though, Alice and Quentin have a moment. Words and feels are exchanged and then Quentin encourages Alice to not be so afraid of what she’s capable of and just let go of what’s holding her back. Alice then does some particularly impressive magic and grows a whole damn tree in a matter of seconds. In celebration, she kisses Quentin, tells him they aren’t getting back together, and then kisses him again! ALL THE FEELINGS!

So, that spell the river man put on Penny’s hands? DEFINITELY not good. Now Penny has no control over the spells he does, so he heads back to the river man to beg for his help, but once he gets there the river man will not be swayed, warning Penny that “actions have consequences,” and alludes to the position that Penny will soon find himself in. Cryptic.

On Earth, Julia and The Beast start their search for Reynard, which first leads them to a gruesome crime scene, reminiscent of the brutal situation where Julia first encountered Reynard. While they don’t find Reynard, they do find a clue which will point them in the right direction. The closer Julia gets to finding Reynard, the more emotional pain she feels. To get away from that pain, The Beast suggests that she sever herself from her Shade, otherwise known as the part of her soul that makes her feel pain, but also allows her to love. Julia, you know THAT’S gonna end terribly. Cool it.

The gang makes their to Castle Whitespire to discover that Fillory isn’t in all that great shape. Enemies from the North and South; no one can find the key to the throne room; and worst of all, The Armory has been ransacked. The only thing they find is a battle magic workbook that leads them to believe that the answers they are looking for just might be at their old school: Brakebills! Unfortunately, since Eliot is not able to leave Fillory, it looks like the gang is going to have to part ways. That was a lot. More to come…

01 Feb 17 Hotel Spa Potions

So, the gang has headed back to Brakebills to ask Dean Fogg for a little help in uncovering a spell to vanquish The Beast. They found that workbook of spells in Fillory (from 1893) and while that’s mostly helpful, the actual spells are what they need to find. The stakes are pretty high: if The Beast gets to the wellspring in Fillory – magic dies. Not just there – but everywhere. The Beast is pretty tied up with Julia at the moment, however. He won’t stop singing (with a pretty great voice, actually) and is about to drive Julia half-crazy. They have to work together to find and kill Reynard the Fox, but these are not people who get along well.

Julia learns that The Beast has put a spell of some kind on Castle Whitespire, and while it’s hard to figure out exactly what it is – Eliot discovers it as soon as he’s taken to the throne room. Whatever the spell does, it definitely involves a good deal of death and mayhem because the throne room is littered with dead bodies. Back at Brakebills, Margo leads our traveling band of heroes back to their old cottage, where Penny confronts Josh. Word is starting to spread that Fillory is real and Professor Sunderland is a little shocked to be pulled into this mess.

After Julia and The Beast kidnap Marina and tell her she’s going to be the bait for trapping Reynard, Marina convinces Julia to let her go. Realizing that The Beast and Reynard are a problem for all of them, Marina decides to start uniting the hedge-witches to deal with the threat. She calls her West Coast Hedgewitch Counterpart, who she then finds murdered. Woah. Something is definitely up.

Eliot learns that the main problem currently plaguing Fillory is an agricultural one. Where magic used to grow all the crops, the Fillorians don’t know the first thing about farming. And Eliot, having grown up on a farm, is going to have to teach them. Also? His new wife is super into having sex with him, but Eliot’s not so into the idea. Instead, Eliot rounds up a lot of the attractive Fillorians and suggests somewhat of a group participation version of marital bliss. He ultimately realizes that the townspeople are only there becaue he’s the king, and thus sends them home.

Dean Fogg takes the team to the library to find a good book on battle magic. It was left there ages ago by a pixie professor who loves riddles. As they dig through a lot of solutions that include anagrams and a study in Pixie riddles, Professor Sunderland figures out that the book is actually disguised as a potions book for facial care. Once they find it, they realize the spell they need is missing. The Pixie Professor has it. Drat!

Marina, scared for her safety, heads back to Brakebills to ask Dean Fogg for sanctuary. He turns her down, saying she can keep her memories, but Brakebills won’t allow her to take sanctuary there. She’s too dangerous, plus Dean Fogg has bigger fish to fry: bringing Quentin and Alice to find Professor Bigby, a pixie and the former teacher of Battle Magic. After a quick make out with the Dean, Bigby tells Alice she’s incredibly powerful and hands her the spell that she will cast to kill The Beast.

After Professor Sunderland and Penny have a lot of sexual tension fixing his hands. But these two…like they really are kind of cute together. As she fixes Penny’s hands with a spell that takes all night, Professor Sunderland tells him she might sleep with him, once he graduates from Brakebills. Meanwhile, Dean Fogg is preparing the team for battle. (Book fans! Alert!) One of the best weapons they’ll be employing, in an emergency, is a Caco Demon. It lives IN A TATTOO ON YOUR BACK until you need it. And it looks CRAZY painful to install.

Quentin comes to warn Julia. Professor Bigsby has given them a spell to kill The Beast, but when Alice uses it, she can’t be within 20 feet of him, or she’ll be killed as well. Julia says they can’t kill him until she and The Beast kill Reynard. Left unsettled, she also warns Quentin that The Beast has cast a spell on Castle Whitespire.

Meanwhile, Eliot, in his official capacity as High King of Fillory, tells the farmers that the key to their problem is fertilizer. It’s a simple solution, but one he’s sort of shocked they haven’t figured out. Our heroes return to Fillory, to find that Eliot has solved the agriculture problem. There’s more work to be done: The Beast still needs killing, the Fillorians have dubbed him an unsavory name based on poop, and Eliot really needs to get laid.

Back in Julia’s apartment, as The Beast continues singing, Marina turns up on Julia’s doorstep. She has nowhere else to go, so she’s come to help with the plan to kill Reynard. How will that go? Gonna have to come back next week, team.

08 Feb 17 Divine Elimination

With the team back together in Fillory, it’s time to finalize the plan to kill The Beast. But before getting to the boring/life threatening business at hand, Eliot has a surprise for everyone, except Penny who doesn’t hold a royal title. But for everyone else — he has restyled the throne room at Castle Whitespire, and it is time for them to take their seats as Kings and Queens of Fillory! BUT! As soon as Eliot sits down on his throne, something strange happens. He gets all twitchy and paranoid and suddenly he’s accusing everyone of usurping his power.

A little while later, Quentin remembers that Julia had warned him that The Beast had set several booby traps in the throne room and Eliot may in fact be CURSED! As Alice, Quentin. and Penny ponder this, Alice takes a seat in her throne and becomes just as jumpy as Eliot. Soon Quentin sits in HIS throne and becomes likewise crazy! That’s when Penny figures out, it’s the thrones that are cursed! He runs off to find Margo, (the only one who hasn’t sat in a throne) to figure out a plan.
He finds her out in the woods picking plants that may be an antidote. To the curse? NOPE. To a poison that she intends to give Quentin, Alice, and Eliot! Turns out, she did sit in her throne and she is cursed too! Now all of the kings and queens of Fillory are looking to kill each other! Luckily, there is one person Penny can still trust. Eliot’s wife! She’s Fillorian! She’ll know what to do!
He goes to her and unfortunately her news is pretty grim. Curses in Fillory are hard to break and must be seen through to their conclusion. In this case, the whole monarchy has to die. So, that’s…tricky. This news gives Penny an idea and he goes off in search of supplies – telling Eliot’s wifey to not let any of them kill each other before disappearing…
Meanwhile Julia, Marina, and The Beast are trying to catch and kill Reynard. Since Reynard seems to be going after people attempting to invoke Our Lady Underground, Julia gets Marina to cast the spell. Before she finishes, The Beast whisks Julia away – turns out Reynard would have never came if he sensed Julia in the room. Julia is furious and starts walking back to find Marina as The Beast sings a song, skipping along behind her.

Back in Fillory, the team is still trying to kill each other, but Penny has a plan: to kill them all with potassium chloride which will stop their hearts and then use adrenaline to get them going again. Before he can follow through, his enchanted hands stop working. The man can’t hold a crossbow, much less inject all his friends with chemicals! Soon, all hell breaks loose and our royal friends all start jabbing at each other with fatal needles. The gang all dies and then is brought back to life, breaking the curse. So, they have that going for them.

Julia’s plans don’t seem to be going so well. When Marina saw that Julia and The Beast took off, she basically said “F this noise,” and headed back home. Julia and The Beast arrive back where they were casting the spell to find no one there. While Julia tries to figure out how to start all over, The Beast suggests that maybe the spell did work. Instead of showing up, he decided to follow Marina home…

As soon as Marina gets home, she locks herself inside with some very powerful magic only to find that she’s not alone. Yep, Reynard is inside with her. With her powerful wards keeping Julia and The Beast out, it gives Reynard some time to do some truly brutal stuff to her. First he turns her cat (seemingly the only thing she loves) inside out, bites off her finger (making it so she can’t do magic), and then threatens to eat the rest of her from the toes up (this guy is GROSS!). Luckily right before this can happen, Julia and The Beast, who has Reynard suspended in time, make it through the charms to save the day!

While all this is happening, the gang back in Fillory has set their plan in motion. It’s time to kill The Beast! So, Penny transports himself to Earth, interrupting the killing of Reynard and transports The Beast and Julia (the latter on accident) back to Fillory where Alice has her big Beast killing spell in motion! Quentin sees Julia and can’t let her die, so interrupts the spell and jumps in to save her. This gives The Beast just enough time to jump out of harm’s way, leaving him only slightly charred by Alice’s spell. In the aftermath, The Beast magics himself away and Penny takes a distraught Julia back to Earth – but not before she breaks the chains binding his cursed hands, which causes his magic to go NUTS.

The gang is running out of options. Alice’s god magic is just about out and The Beast is loose somewhere in Fillory. The gang decides that their best bet is to split up. Margo and Eliot head to find Ember to try and get more of his… power potion (ew)… Alice and Quentin head to the wellspring of magic to try and head off The Beast. On the carriage ride, Alice and Quentin let loose a lot of pent up feelings which leads to some very romantic like shenanigans. Could our heroes be getting back together?!

When The Beast reaches the wellspring, he finds Ember coming out of it, warning The Beast that the well spring is now undrinkable because… well… the delicate way to put this… OK FINE EMBER POOPED IN THE WELLSPRING! Yup. Pooped. In the wellspring. Realizing he has riled The Beast up Ember disappears, leaving Quentin and Alice to take the brunt of this rage. The Beast makes the first move, trying to cut Alice in half, but Quentin jumps in the way. The spell takes a huge chunk out if his shoulder, but he still seems to be alive.

As Margo and Eliot come upon Ember’s home, but before they can ask for more of his… ugh, stuff… he magics them away to witness the epic battle between Alice and The Beast! They arrive just in time to witness some of Alice’s badassery, but then Alice makes a choice that will change everything – the spell gets away from her and she becomes a Niffin, burning away in a magic firestorm.

Just as The Beast is about to kill Quentin… ALICE RETURNS! Well, kind of. Niffin Alice returns and tears open The Beast. She then turns back on her friends to kill them. Quentin has no choice but to unleash his Cacodemon on Niffin Alice, saving his friends, but killing the only girl he had ever loved who had loved him back. (Cue all the tears).

Back on Earth Julia makes it back to Marina’s apartment to find that she is too late. After she and The Beast were transported to Fillory, Marina and Reynard duked it out over the knife that could kill Reynard and sadly, Reynard won. Julia finds Marina’s body utterly devastated. Now she has no weapon, no plan, and no Beast. Just an unfulfilled desire for revenge. NOW WHAT?!

15 Feb 17 The Flying Forest

So, last episode Quentin got into a huge fight with The Beast while trying to save Alice, who became a Niffin, then had to be defeated by Quentin’s Cacodemon. In the process, his shoulder was severed. And so, he’s getting it repaired by the Centaurs, who act as magical doctors. The catch is – his new shoulder is wood. Eliot and Margo, meanwhile, are left to figure out what to do with Fillory now. It has no money and the wellspring still isn’t repaired from Ember’s pooping in it. Eliot is morose, but Margo has an idea and heads back to Earth.

Meanwhile, Julia has located Kady, who’s totally high in some drug den. has helped Kady get clean and talks her into helping with the plan to defeat Reynard. Kady is surprised when Julia reveals the (Oh God!) frozen dead Marina. The plan is to bring Marina back to life with the help of a library book. In order for that to happen, Julia has to get a special book from Brakebills.
As Quentin wakes up, he is reminded that Alice is dead and meets up with Penny, who came to get his hands checked out. These two are not friends. And even worse, Penny’s hands can’t be healed because it’s magic that even the centaurs are afraid of. But all is not lost in Fillory, Margo’s plan works and she returns with a stash of living clay that she can use to make a new version of Eliot. With any luck, now they’ll be able to travel back and forth between the two worlds together (remember, Eliot’s stuck in Fillory).

The plan works! Doppleganger Eliot (henceforth known as DopEliot) and Margo are able to end up at Brakebills. Julia found the book she needs, but since she can’t take it from the library, she’s forced to copy it by hand. When Margo discovers her, the two throw down: Julia calls Margo shallow and Margo mostly agrees, but also offers to help Julia copy the book. Not so bad after all, that Margo.

Meanwhile, at the Centaur’s retreat, Quentin spots the “White Lady” a sort of fawn-like white creature. One of the centaurs tells him that she’s one of the questing creatures of Fillory – and capturing her requires her to give the hunter a wish. Meanwhile, Penny has Quentin chop his hands off (yes, that) because his hands are still coming after him and uncontrollable.

Back at Brakebills, some stuff is going down. The students and teachers are experiencing “magic brown-outs, “ but that isn’t even the weirdest part. Todd has taken over the cottage, and DopEliot is furious. Not to fear, he also meets a second year student he finds super hot and they decide they’re going to fool around. Instead, he ends up in a confusing mind-state where he’s jumping between his bodies. One of which is having sex with his wife in Fillory. And the other of which is having sex with the dude from the party. He decides to just go with it.

Penny and Quentin set off to find the White Lady. Penny is going to capture her and get his hands back and Quentin is going to bring Alice back to life. The problem is, they end up in the flying forest, which takes away your memories and makes you basically stoned. So that mission is stalled for a bit.

Julia and Kady manage to wake up Marina, who tells them that 40 years ago, a girl got Reynard out of this world and she was the key to the whole plan. And then, just as abruptly as she was brought back to life, Marina dies. Back in Fillory, Quentin and Penny finally do find the white lady, she agrees to fix Penny’s hands, and then tells Quentin that she’s not able to bring Alice back to life. Quentin is destroyed and gives his final wish – to leave all of this behind and go back to New York. Wish granted.

22 Feb 17 Cheat Day

The White Lady has sent Quentin home, to a non-magic, boring, desk job. After Alice’s death, he decided that life would be better without magic at all – but that’s fairly hard to do. One day in the break room, Quentin does a little spell and is caught by a co-worker. It’s cool because the co-worker turns out to be Emily. She was the one having the affair with a teacher back at Brakebills. (Remember this? She tried to make herself prettier, messed up her face, and then Alice’s brother had to fix it and died a Niffin?) She and Quentin have a lunch and it’s tense.

Meanwhile, Julia and Kady are searching through old newspapers looking for whatever happened to Reynard back when he was banished. And Julia barfs and you KNEW this would happen – she’s totally pregnant with Reynard’s baby. Though, it could be Richard’s, hard to say. There is no way Julia can have this baby, so she chooses to terminate the pregnancy and makes an appointment.

You know who else is pregnant? Fen, Eliot’s wife. Everyone is sort of happy about this (even Eliot?) and then someone tries to kill Eliot. Turns out this assassin is a member of a group called Fillorians United. He is a FU-Fighter (Yep.) who wants to kill every child of Earth who crosses into Fillory. Until a Fillorian sits on the throne.

Emily and Quentin get a little drunk at work and talk about all the ways that they miss doing magic. And so they get a little stoned and make smoke shapes. Which is adorable, but Emily has another idea for a spell. The pair go home and casts an illusion spell. What happens is, you change into someone the other person wants to see for as long as you’re wet. More of a shower-sex-game-spell. Emily turns Quentin into Mayakovsky. Because, you see, it was HE who was the teacher she gave up so much for back at school. That makes sense, no? Then it’s Quentin’s turn and of COURSE Emily turns into Alice. Some lovely goodbyes and grief sex. But then – the next morning, Emily goes a little bonkers and wants to do more magic and Quentin needs to get out of there.

Meanwhile in Fillory, Eliot comes to a decision that they will not kill the FU-fighter. His entire council, including Margo, wants that to happen. Now that he is going to be a father, he wants to raise his child in a world where they work to figure out their problems as opposed to killing what/whomever stands in their way. But it’s not over quite just yet. After the FU-Fighter is pardoned, Eliot’s wife Fen wanders into the fighter’s cell. Turns out, these two have a past.

This whole time, Penny has been to see Dean Fogg for help with casting spells, but Fogg sent him back to Brakebills South to see Mayakovsky, who puts him to work. Untying knots, widdling, the usual. Turns out the knots and the table were constructed using magic, so by destroying these things, the magic is released and Prof. M has built a battery to store all this magic for when the wellspring runs dry. Mayakovsky will help Penny with his magic problem as long as Penny goes back to Fillory to retrieve some moss. Sigh, fine.

At her appointment, Julia finds out that aborting a god-like fetus is NOT all that easy. As she lies back to get the procedure done, something comes over the doctor. Something evil that makes her stop what she’s doing and oh dear God, stab herself in the eye. It seems this baby will do everything it takes to protect itself and it doesn’t care who it hurts in the process. Like father like child. Also, after Quentin leaves Emily’s place, he stops and grabs a coffee, and then is taken by surprise: Alice is across the street. As he stares she mouth’s the words “Help Me!” but then disappears just as quickly as she came. And off he goes to follow up on that.

01 Mar 17 The Cock Barrens

Margo and Eliot are watching Quentin make an idiot of himself while he tries to summon Niffin Alice. He has to do some insane personal things and it’s…just not working. Plus, he has to be back for the Earth funeral service at Alice’s parents’ house. You remember them? Self-involved folks with super magic privilege? Well, they’re throwing a pretty swinging party, and even Alice has turned up. Yes, dead Alice is hanging around her own funeral, trying to get Quentin to cast a spell to free her soul.

When Quentin goes snooping around, he bumps into Alice’s father, Daniel, who thinks he may actually be able to help cast that spell. It involves a mirror, a pyramid, all stuff they’d have to build in the backyard.

Meanwhile, Kady and Julia are still looking for Dana, the woman who banished Reynard 40 years ago. It’s a tricky process, but they’re determined. They go to Hoboken, the most logical place to follow up on a clue. But just as Kady is called away to find some people to help with the baby problem, Julia stays behind and figures out where she can find Dana. It’s a good lead, and the best hope she has.

Meanwhile, in Fillory, a delegation from Loria arrives. Prince Ess (yes, pronounced Princess), says that he is there to propose a 50/50 split of the Wellspring. Additionally, it’s less of a request than a demand. Also he wants to marry Margo. You can imagine how that goes, and when Eliot and Margo tell him to leave, a guard uses magic to transport Castle Whitespire away – to the Cock Barrens of Loria.

Back on Earth, Quentin and Daniel spend some time building a pyramid in the backyard. They’re going to construct this impressive spell, but Daniel isn’t so well equipped for this. And to be fair, he’s grieving, but dead Alice keeps appearing and moving things along. Quentin isn’t prepared to do these tasks, but he promises to try.

After she and Eliot discuss what’s expected of them as a Queen and a King, Margo goes to see Prince Ess. She takes control of the situation pretty swiftly and they end up, yep, totally having sex. It turns out Margo COULD see herself marrying this dude and there’s reason to consider joining the kingdoms. In another part of the castle, Fen ‘fesses up to Eliot that she was once part of the FU Fighters. She pledges her loyalty to him, but can he trust her?

Julia travels to meet with Dana, the woman who banished Reynard 40 years ago. Turns out she was pregnant, too and had the baby, which Julia THINKS is the giant man in chains in the basement. Dana informs her that the man is actually a Haxenpaxen, a mythical being with huge powers that can block Reynard from ever finding her. After she clocks Julia on the noggin, Dana reveals that she had Reynard’s baby and that, in fact, the only way to banish Reynard is to harness the power of the labor process. Kady finally shows up to rescue her, and after a quick fistfight, our two ladies run off with the Haxenpaxen, leaving Dana on the floor alone.

Back in Fillory, Penny finds out that Castle Whitespire hasn’t actually been moved; it’s just a spell, and it turns out this whole time they’ve been in Fillory. Margo is FURIOUS with Prince S. and dresses him down in an epic speech wherein she also…declares war on Loria.

Back on Earth, Alice’s mom Stephanie takes over for Daniel when he breaks his legs falling off a ladder, and can’t quite confess that she was a terrible mother. And that, as it turns out, was all Alice wanted – to punish her parents. She’s not really entirely dead, you see. She’s a niffin, still, and she’s living in Quentin’s Cacodemon Tattoo. How messed up is that?

08 Mar 17 Plan B

Julia’s search for a way to get rid of her demon baby has led her and Kady to a Chinese butcher shop run by two witches who say that they can help Julia by exorcising the baby, but it’s going to cost her a million dollars in gold. That’s a lot. But it turns out, they’re magicians, and they can rob banks. Conveniently, back in Fillory, Margo and Eliot are running into problems of their own. The whole magical country is BROKE and there is no way the royal coffers can pay for both the looming war with Loria AND de-feces-ing the wellspring of all magic!

While Kady and Julia scope out the bank, they are attacked by a weird, invisible, smoke monster! Thankfully the Haxenpaxen that they stole from Reynard’s last baby momma breaks free from the trunk of their car and kills the monster (who turns into a… wooden spoon?). Unfortunately, it dies in the process, and its power of hiding the bank robbers is gone, so our ladies need to find a safe place STAT! Kady has an idea.

And yep, it’s Brakebills. Space is tight there, and the only room left for them is in Alice’s old room. Alice isn’t using it anymore because she’s now a Niffin who lives in Quentin’s back tattoo and taunts him mercilessly. She wants out bad, and Quentin is working on that. A reunion between Julia and Quentin occurs, and he vows to help her rob the bank.

Remember how Kady totally ditched Penny at Brakebills South right before the two of them were going to run away together? Well, apparently Penny’s still into her because as soon as these two locked eyes in the library, they went AT IT like teenagers. Aww… young love. Post coitus, Kady tells Penny that they are going to rob a bank to help Julia. Penny’s not thrilled but he seems pretty stoked about the robbing a bank part. He’s in!

Finally, Margo and Eliot head back to Brakebills to try and find some sort of magic way to make some money to get Fillory straightened out. But you know what’s more fun than alchemy? ROBBING A BANK! Unsurprisingly, MARGO knows how to rob a bank. She tells the gang all about the bank’s security measures, including some scary anti-traveler charms that they have in the vault, and how the whole business is gonna go down. As she’s going through the plan, another INVISIBLE SMOKE MONSTER appears. The gang runs, except for Kady who is also a badass and decides to take the monster out to collect a little evidence. Another wooden spoon?! What’s up with these wooden spoons?!

Turns out one of the witches from the butcher shop sent the monsters after Julia. The witch thinks that Julia’s baby can never be born because it will be too evil. So instead of hoping that Julia comes up with the money, she sends these monsters after her to kill both her and her unborn child. Unfortunately, these monsters can’t be sent away, so they gotta get that gold and fast. Katy heads back to Brakebills and comes upon Julia tinkering on a spell that Richard, now Reynard, and the free traders had previously mastered, a spell to rewind time. Though, they could never make it go back for more than 15 seconds.

Kady has to tell her she can’t be at the heist because the invisible monsters after her are only kept at bay by the school’s wards. Julia isn’t ok with everyone risking their lives so she can get rid of her baby while she just sits there not knowing what’s going on. So Kady gives Julia an enchanted “Best Friends” necklace (d’aw!) that shows her everything.

The heist is a bit of a disaster. They release bees to clear the place, Penny travels into the vault, but ends up screwing up the “don’t touch the floor” part. Plus, the gold is too heavy and he ends up trapped. Eliot, Kady, and Quentin make it into the bank and find that it will take these guys days to break it open and Penny only has minutes worth of air. You know who CAN break into the vault though? NIFFIN ALICE! In exchange for showing him how to break into the vault and saving Penny’s life, Quentin agrees to let Niffin Alice have control over his body for 30 minutes a day… A deal which Q will probably regret someday, but back to the action… Niffin Alice’s spell works and they rescue Penny!

But! When they dropped the wards on the bank, they only had 10 minutes, which is long over so now they have to deal with a bank hired battle magician who kills all 4 of them.

But! Julia saw the whole thing happening so she meets up with Margo at the bank with her spell that’ll reverse time 15 seconds and next thing ya know there’s the gang again!

But! Julia only has enough juice to do the spell 4 times and the gang dies two more times. On the fourth try, Kady knocks the bank magician out not with a spell but with her badass fists and they escape.

Well, not Eliot, who jumped in front of a spell headed straight for Quentin. It saved Quentin’s life, and sacrificed Eliot’s. Worry not. This was just Eliot’s golem. His body is still safe in Fillory… except, why is Fillory Eliot shaking like that and foaming at the mouth and… uh oh…

Back in the alley, after Julia casts her last time rewind spell, another Invisible Monster came after her. Luckily, Kady showed up just in time and took the monster out, and Julia got knocked out in the process… but woke up again (phew!) at the Chinese Butcher shop with Kady standing over her. The witches did it! They exorcised her demon baby. But, Kady tells her, “There was a complication…”

15 Mar 17 Word As Bond

So, due to the deal they struck to get out of the bank heist, Alice and Quentin seal a word-bond so that Alice can use his body for a half hour every day, as long as she abides by some rules. If she weren’t Niffin Alice, we would think this would work out? But we can already tell this is going to be a problem. Eliot, meanwhile, has been convalescing in Fillory, and Margo tells Quentin the best thing he can do is to be there for Julia while she keeps the enchantments going (despite the magical brownouts happening.)

Meanwhile, it turns out the Mundang who helped Julia with the exorcism knicked a bit of her shade. Now, you’ll recall, her shade is something like her soul, and the effects are a little boggling: she’s freewheeling and a little giddy as she and Kady come up with a new plan to banish Reynard. They’re going to find Dana’s baby and use his power as a demi-god to make it happen. Julia is going to create a door to find the hospital where Reynard’s son was likely surrendered when he was born. Instead, she finds Reynard. She’s saved (just barely) by Quentin, who takes them both – he and Julia – to Fillory, where she’s told to find some way to protect herself. Julia’s not down to just hang around, but agrees.

Alice has taken her turn in Quentin’s body and it turns out she’s done some research but she won’t tell him what it is. His big suspicion, though? She’s trying to solve being a Niffin. Penny continues running errands for Mayakovsky, and ends up at the Library of the Neitherlands. That charming Librarian offers him an alternative to his problem: he lets the Order of Librarians help him get magic back. But the contract would mean he’s in their debt for a million years. Penny, of course, refuses.

A lot is going down in Fillory. Julia convinces Margo to let her help talk the forest into aiding Fillory in their war against Loria. (Yes, that.) They meet a crazy handsome Dryad who refuses to help. Penny and Quentin help Kady with the search for Reynard’s son, and after bargaining for more time in his body, Alice finally tells Quentin that there’s a device they can use to see into the past- a viewfinder that could show them the day Reynard’s son was surrendered to a hospital. BUT, when they think they’ve found their man, he seems to have erased his face from time.

Julia meets up with that spooky sorcerer who moved Castle Whitespire and asks him for a favor. It’s unclear what she’s up to, until she hands the spell to that handsome Dryad guy and walks away. The forest explodes in flames and it turns out THAT was her plan. Problem solved for Fillory. Julia’s gotten a little more badass, no? Yes, possibly. But Margo is furious (despite blowing up the forest actually helping Fillory in the war with Loria) and has Julia thrown in jail. It gets better for Margo when she goes to see Eliot, who’s woken up!

Quentin wakes up from letting Alice use his body, only to learn that Alice has killed a little girl. To be fair, that little girl also happened to be an angler beast with some of the answers to finding Alice’s prize: a guy named Friar Joseph. From there, it’s pretty downhill. Quentin tries to break their word-bond, but finds himself in Dublin — where Alice led him. Turns out, she wants Quentin to help her find Friar Joseph, a Niffin who found a way to avoid getting boxed. He’s been able to evade it for six centuries. The Friar tells Alice to free herself from Quentin and then he’ll help her.

Back at Brakebills, Penny recovers from his argument with Kady and returns from the library with the name of Reynard’s son: John Spencer Gaines. Also? Penny signed that contract so he could get magic back (and, as a librarian, he was able to actually find the book on Reynard’s son. Might helping Kady have had anything to do with him signing?). And now he owes his soul to the Order of Librarians. And then…the secret is out. Penny looks into Quentin’s mind and figures it all out – Alice is inside him.

22 Mar 17 Lesser Evils

Quentin has three options. A) He can let Niffin Alice free to possibly cause destruction all over the world. B) He can box Niffin Alice up where she will stay for all eternity. Or C) He can keep Niffin Alice trapped inside his body, ultimately killing them both. Anyway you slice it, these are not easy choices.

In Fillory, Eliot and Margo have to figure out how to win their war with Loria despite some pretty serious obstacles: their soldiers are deserting and magic is running out due to a defiled wellspring. One of The Royal Council members (that sloth?) suggests that there is another way: royal combat! Hearing that he may be the first Fillorian monarch to win a duel, Eliot decrees that he will save the day by facing off with the King of Loria. One hitch – Eliot has never held a sword. Also, sword magic spells are crazy hard and can take years to learn. However, Eliot’s wife Fen comes from a long line of sword makers and gives Eliot a blade that is enchanted with it’s own special spell that makes him who wields the blade a master swordsman. THANK UMBER!

Meanwhile Kady, Penny, and Julia are starting to make headway in their search for Reynard’s son as they discover that the demigod is none other than U.S. Senator John Gaines. How are they going to get to him?! (Spoiler: magic). The trio easily get to Senator Gaines, but Penny and Kady are growing concerned over Julia, who is now free of her shade, and looking to kill the senator and harness his energy. Instead of killing, they kidnap him and bring him to Brakebills in order to figure out what to do next.

Back in Fillory, it’s about time for Eliot to face off with the Lorian King. The stakes are high: if he loses this duel, not only is he totally dead, but all his friends will either be executed or imprisoned as well. In order to let some of the pressure off, Margo does some musical magic and gets pretty much the entire castle to do a really, kind of amazing Les Misérables sing along. Accompanied with Fen’s magic sword, Eliot is ready to kick some serious monarch ass.

And then…Niffin Alice and Shadeless Julia encounter each other when Julia finds Quentin while he’s possessed by Alice (remember their deal?). Alice begs Julia to help free her. While they discuss striking a deal, turns out Reynard has turned up at Brakebills. Not to worry, there are wards! Uhm, but also, back in Fillory, the fight is on between Eliot and King Idri. And then, yep. Magic brown out!

The wards are down! Eliot’s spell doesn’t work! Crisis! Eliot runs up a tree for safety, and he and King Idri discuss their next move. Which turns out to be each other. Because they’re both a little gay and way into each other. But back to Brakebills. When the wards go down, Reynard gets inside. Penny, Kady, and Dean Fogg get everyone to safety, but Julia takes Quentin straight to Reynard.

You see, Julia’s talk with Niffin Alice was bad news and her plan is to get Quentin to release Alice – who has promised to kill Reynard. Quentin isn’t budging and all is lost until Sentor Gaines shows up in the knick of time. Since Gaines is the only person that Reynard REALLY wants, the two disappear, leaving Q, Penny, and Kady to deal with psycho Julia. Locking her in a magical dead zone, Julia is furious. Beyond furious.

Trying to save Eliot, Margo tries to get the wellspring fixed by setting a meeting with the ambassador to the fairies. The price they ask is for Eliot’s first born child. Margo’s like “no way” but then also she totally agrees. Eliot gets his magic sword powers but it’s too late – he and the King have decided to stop fighting and get down to loving. Turns out Filorian law permits the High King to have two spouses: a wife AND a husband. Things are about to get very weird at Castle Whitespire. What’s gonna make things weirder? When Margo admits that she promised away Eliot’s first born… but that’s a story for another time.

Finally Quentin comes to a decision about what to do with Alice. Unable to box her for eternity, and not wanting to die himself, he decides to trust her and set her free. Thankfully she doesn’t kill him (phew), but she does disappear, killing any hope Q had to turn her back into her old self. This. Is. Serious. Stuff.

29 Mar 17 The Girl Who Told Time

Remember how we learned that all of our characters have actually lived in 39 different time loops set in motion by Jane Chatwin? Well, it turns out that during most of them, Julia was at Brakebills and was a super gifted “knowledge magician.” Sadly, in this timeloop, Julia’s a hedgewitch mess and Dean Fogg only trusts her a little and feels no responsibility for her – so, he lets her out of the magic-blocking room in hopes that she can save herself.

Meanwhile, in Fillory, Quentin is drinking his sorrows about Alice’s death, and Margo is having none of it. She sends him to Earth on an errand for Eliot’s wedding to King Idri. Earth is pretty complicated itself – Kady still has to deal with Reynard and Penny wants to help her, but his job with the Order seems to have just started. He and Kady end up back in front of the Librarian, who’s got some tasks for him. His new job is to collect overdue library books from magicians who’ve taken them from the Order. Also on Earth, Josh has been making magical drug edibles, and Quentin is tasked with fetching him to cater Eliot’s wedding. However, before they go back to Fillory, Quentin goes on a drug trip of his own. Able to see other worlds, Quentin bumps into Julia’s shade who asks that he come find her before it’s too late. Problem is – Quentin has no idea where he is.

In Fillory, Fen is starting to see Fairy warriors all the time. She thinks they’re a hallucination, but remember how Margo promised her child to them? That time is coming soon and those aren’t hallucinations- that’s legitimately happening and Fen soon learns that Margo can see them too. Backed into a corner, Margo is forced to come clean: yes she promised Fen’s baby to the Fairies – but she’s on it and she’ll find a way to solve it.

As the search for Julia’s shade continues, Quentin and Julia find that Todd isn’t as irritating as he seems, he’s actually worthwhile. He’s high, but he does tell them that Dean Fogg knows a person who was very interested in shades. A quick jaunt over to the Dean’s office reveals that during one of the 39 timeloops, apparently ALICE was very into seeking them out. While there’s no way to talk to her about them, RECORD SCRATCH – there is! A device known as the Tesla Flexion, which can cast Quentin and Alice from their respective timeloops into one place for a limited time. Worth a shot!

Turns out the first book that Penny has to collect is from the owner of FuzzBeat – a website with cat videos and news. Those articles also turn out to be coded news for magicians. The manager of the website (played by Marlee Matlin) shares some info with Kady, “no matter what, the library has ALL kinds of knowledge.” When they take the book back to the library, Penny runs into a librarian who had previously told Kady there was no information on killing a God. When Penny hands him the overdue book, the librarian is suddenly under a spell. He heads toward a door but before he can open it, chooses instead to kill himself. Penny learns that the door leads to the “Poison Room”, where the library keeps all knowledge that’s too dangerous to read. It’s big stuff in there.

Quentin, Julia and Dean Fogg pull out the old Tesla Flexion device, and cast a spell so that Quentin can talk to a version of Alice. Amidst their feelings, Alice tells Quentin that shades go to the Underworld, but in order to get there, he needs to find “an ancient one.” New clues to follow up on.

All that as Fen gets abducted by a creepy Fairy dude, Kady gets a quick note from FuzzBeat telling her that the book that can help her kill Reynard is in the Poison Room, and Julia thinks she’s figured out just what, exactly, an “ancient one” is. Hold on to your hats – it’s a dragon.

05 Apr 17 The Rattening

Continuing their quest to reunite Julia with her shade, Julie and Quentin think they’ve cracked a way to get into the Underworld. The search to find an Ancient One (more commonly known as a DRAGON!) leads them into the sewers of New York City. In exchange for passage to and from the Underworld, they find they must leave behind the Fillory button. Because he promised he’d do anything to help reunite his best friend with her shade, Quentin hands over the button and just like that – our friends are transported to The Underworld. They have 24 hours to find the shade or the Dragon will eat their carcasses. Because duh. Dragon.

Meanwhile in Fillory, Eliot is getting antsy about his impending throuple nuptials with King Idri of Loria and Fen (who can’t be found anywhere but that’s probably because of Margo’s deal with the Fairies). Soon King Idri arrives and he tells Eliot that he doesn’t need all the pomp and circumstance of a royal wedding. Things get a little heated and end abruptly when King Idri and many others in the castle are turned into rats. Yup. Rats.

While all this is going down, Penny is still serving his time at the Neitherlands Library in exchange for the librarians’ help in re-teaching him how to cast spells. Because he spends so much time there, he only really gets to see Kady when she’s asleep and he travels into her mind. They’re still plotting to 1) Get into the Poison Room so they can find the book on how to kill a god, and 2) Track Senator Gaines.

Down in the Underworld, nobody is terribly helpful, but Julia decides to hook up with some of her old friends: The Freetraders! Her hedgewitch buddies who were killed by Reynard. The gang’s all there, even Richard, whose body is being inhabited by Reynard back on Earth. The team gives Julia and Quentin the lay of the Underworld land, but unfortunately don’t know where the shades are kept. However, Richard has a plan: he’ll distract the bellhops in the Underworld lobby and cause a scene, distracting the staff long enough for Quentin and Julia to discover that the disjointed shades are kept at the House of Hades and Persephone, the missing creators of The Underworld.

Julia and Quentin head to the other side of the Underworld and come upon the house filled with disconnected shades, who always take the shape of a person’s inner child. It’s actually kind of adorable: a house filled with kids who use their magic to perform miracles back on Earth. As they search around, Julia makes a pretty shocking discovery: Our Lady Underground is real! Julia get’s super angry now. Why didn’t Our Lady show up for them?!

Back at the Neitherlands Library, Penny has decided that the best way to get into the Poison Room is to look through the head librarian’s book. With the help of Sylvia, a fellow library worker who’s kind of a smartass and is the daughter of a magical mob boss back on Earth, he get’s her name: Zelda! Unfortunately, Zelda’s book has been moved to…you guessed it! The Poison Room! But Sylvia is determined to get in there, too.

Back in Fillory, Eliot decides to “trufie” (truth-roofie) his closest advisors to see what they’ve been holding back about the magic weirdness that’s going on. Turns out the royal advisors have been up to shady business but nothing that would cause all this mayhem. Then Margo opens her mouth and drops it all. Fen, the Fairies, the deal, the kidnapping. In a rage, Eliot sends Margo to the dungeon. When Eliot decides he needs more help in the form of Dukes, he chooses to hold free elections. Thus ending his reign and sending him back to Brakebills. In the dungeon, Margo schemes to go to the Fairy realm and get Fen back. She takes a potion and just like that is whisked away. Fingers crossed she makes it back alive!

Now then, let’s talk about Senator Gaines, who’s not happy that his whole life has been a lie. He goes head to head with his father Reynard, who lets slip some VERY interesting info. He used to know Our Lady Underground. She left him behind and that’s why he shows up and kills people who try to invoke her. AND it’s actually possible that he once LOVED her. What? Twist!

After much searching, Julia and Quentin find Julia’s shade! And also – ALICE’s shade! Apparently, when Alice turned niffin, her shade was disconnected and sent to Elysium and now there she is, standing in front of Quentin. So heartbreaking, but they have to go. Even though it’s DEFINITELY against the rules, Quentin and Julia escape – but not before Julia steals Alice’s shade. Pretty sure there are going to be some serious repercussions for that. Living for it!

12 Apr 17 Ramifications

Now that Quentin and Julia have brought Alice’s shade back from the Underworld, they are working hard to find a way to revive Alice. Their last hope is Mayakovsky, who feels just guilty enough to help bring Alice back to life but warns them that it’s not pretty and she’s going to be angry. Turns out he’s correct: Alice’s shade, a giant metal cage and some magic batteries later — Alice is revived and hopping mad about it.

In the library of the Neitherlands, Penny and library assistant Sylvia feel confident they can get their way in to the Poison Room through one of the fountains.  That’s going to be tricky, but Sylvia insists this isn’t her first rodeo. They specifically need a book on how to kill gods, since that’s what Kady has been asking for. Kady, it turns out, is working with Julia, who’s still shadeless. The pair decides to team up to continue their plan from before: stop, kill, or somehow exact their terrible revenge on Reynard. And some news arrives from Senator Gaines – it turns out that Reynard’s whole motivation is revenge on “Our Lady Underground.”

Since Eliot has been banished from Fillory and can’t get back with the button because Quentin gave it to a dragon, the two look into how that might work. Turns out, the only way to get back to Fillory is the Grandfather Clock from the books. Which Quentin has seen before! Remember when he went to that interview in Episode 1? If they can find that clock they might be able to get back! So Eliot and Quentin trace the sale of that grandfather clock to a collector of Fillory memorabilia. After a few questions, they learn said collector’s real identity: Umber, the OTHER GOD OF FILLORY. Umber drops some major truth bombs about his brother Ember. See the two of them really like to make new worlds together, but currently, Ember is growing tired of Fillory: hence turning people into rats and hostile takeovers and fairy invasions. Umber, though? Doesn’t really care. He’s got new worlds to build.

Meanwhile, Reynard killed Senator Gaines’ wife and cuts off her ear. Now, Gaines is turning on dear old Dad and enlists the help of Kady and Julia. Gaines knows that the only way to rid the world of Reynard is to use all of the magic energy within him. Thus, he convinces Kady to MURDER HIM. It wrecks Kady emotionally, but Julia is able to take all of that magic and force it into a magic bullet that can kill Reynard.

Meanwhile, in the poison room, Penny and Sylvia have broken out in terrible boils and spots but they seem to have found the book they were looking for. Ultimately, though, Sylvia sacrifices herself. And Penny…well, Penny isn’t doing well. That Poison Room is, in fact, poison. He gets Julia the book she needs about killing gods, but we don’t yet know the cost.

While all this was happening, Josh and the Fillorian Cabinet worked pretty hard to find Margo but didn’t really succeed. Also they got really high and fended off an attack from Prince Ess, and also didn’t really succeed. The big showdown comes when Julia and Kady conjure Persephone (AKA Our Lady Underground) Julia has finally made it work and conjured Our Lady Underground! For real this time! And it lures Reynard right to them. Our Lady Underground turns out to be Reynard’s absent mom, who apologizes for all of the trouble her son has caused. Julia is convinced to spare his life and in return, Persephone gives her back her shade. And Kady, furious that Reynard is still alive, however tamed by his mom, peaces out.

19 Apr 17 We Have Brought You Little Cakes – Season 2 Finale

So, Alice is still having a hard time readjusting to being a human again, and Quentin decides that the best course of action is to give her a potion that will stop her from hurting herself. She has a penchant for burning herself, because, in her words, “I miss the fire.” Over at Brakebills, Penny finds out why they call it the Poison Room. It gave him a magical kind of cancer. If Professor Lipson and Dean Fogg can’t find a cure, it could kill him in a matter of weeks. Not wanting to waste any time, Penny and Kady decide to go off to spend whatever good time they have left together, but first Penny needs to make a few stops.

Julia, having been reunited with her shade, is having some pretty extreme growing pains. She’s being hit with flashes of everything she did when she was shadeless and is now feeling all that guilt/shame/etc. Eliot finds her like this, and having some experience in this realm because he is generally mopey, implores her to put on some pants and help him save all of magic.

At the Library of the Neitherlands, Penny saw that Eliot’s book ends the same way everyone else’s does, in 20 blank pages, so he warns Eliot not to do what he’s planning to do. That’s when the head librarian of The Neitherlands swoops in to tell Penny that he is desperately needed at work, and just like that Penny and Kady are separated.

Back in Fillory, Margo and Josh are searching the Fairy realm (which is actually just another dimension that exists on top of Fillory) for Fen. When they find her, Fen wants to stay to be close to her baby, which gets Margo and Josh caught and brought to the Fairy Queen. The Fairy Queen wants to help Margo and Josh save all magic, and gives Margo and Josh a plant that’s basically catnip for gods to bake into little cakes in order to attract Ember. With that, she sends Margo and Josh on their way, but not before taking payment for the travel between realms – yep. Margo’s eye. Eliot and Margo decide to throw a decadent party, and serve the little catnip cakes, which will hopefully get Ember there. Fingers crossed!

The next part of the plan involves getting Ember and Umber back together so Umber can hopefully convince his brother to stop being so insane. Quentin heads back to Umber’s place and begs him to go back to Fillory. Umber is having none of it though, as he is obsessed with the new world he is creating inside a snow globe and whisks Quentin to this new land. It soon becomes apparent that Ember and Umber need each other. Umber is too organized and Ember is too chaotic, but together they work. Umber does NOT like hearing this, though, and soon gets all kinds of ragey.

The Fallorian bacchanal is in full swing, when who should arrive but Ember. The plan is working! Also, Quentin being stuck in that snow globe was apparently part of the plan too, because who should arrive at the party but Julia, WITH THE SNOW GLOBE! She shakes it up, releasing Quentin and Umber…and now the two gods/brothers are face-to-face. That goes horribly.

Lest we forget, Umber faked his own death and made a deal with The Beast to save himself while Ember was banished from Fillory. Ember wields some mighty magic, killing his brother, while Julia does that spell that turns any metal object into a god-killing weapon and allows Quentin to kill Ember. The gods of Fillory are dead, so, like, is magic safe now? Maybe?

Margo and Eliot try to salvage their kingdom by coming up with a constitution, ripped off from those of other countries. Kady offers her services as a spy to help that hedgewitch bring down the Library of the Neitherlands in Exchange for saving Penny’s life. Quentin heads back to Alice to try and make her feel human again. In a post-coital moment, Quentin tells her that he killed Ember and Alice freaks out. She tells him that gods have parents and they will definitely be seeking revenge.

The revenge comes in the shape of a magical plumber who, get this, turns off all the magic in both worlds. Two months later and still without magic, the students at Brakebills can only study magic theoretically, hoping for it to return one day. But will that day ever come? Alice gets a visit from that old priest niffin mentor, who warns her that an enemy she made during her niffin days, something called The Lamprey, is coming for her.

Also, Fillory is about to be attacked by a giant army of Fairies.  And weirdly enough, Julia breaks into Brakebills to meet with Quentin. She has something to show him. She doesn’t know how or why, but she is able to magic up some sparks. Twist.

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